June 03, 2021- Things are flat

 Dear whoever is reading,

I decided today I needed to start something to get my thoughts out and just maybe someone would see this who can relate. I am 26 and working from home due to the pandemic. It has been over a year now and I am still struggling to adjust. I have my vaccine booked for this Sunday (yay a small glimmer of hope) but still I feel flat. 

I can’t fingure out why I feel this way. There is hope on the horizon but I have so many feelings: unmotivated, nervous, comfortable, happy, bored. A combo of things I have never felt before. 

At work I am on the verge of a promotion. All it needs is me to put in some work on an application (and a little more) but my point is it is quite simple. I just need to focus... yet... I cant find it in me. I can’t figure out what I need and I pride myself as someone who has quite a bit of insight.

November 2020 I was fed up with the COVID weight (plus I had a small medical in 2020 which caused me to get out of control slightly with my eating). Back to the point, in Nov of last year I signed up for a kettlebell class (best choice I made during this pandemic). I have lost over 20 pounds but I still have another 20 to go to feel myself again. I am on track with my physical health- with some minor struggles with binging here and there but in general I am back on track. Mentally, about two months ago started taking my medication for anxiety more regulary and I am feeling better with that. So I feel like in general I have my S%#t together. But why am I still feeling so unmotivated and flat... the daily struggle.

Maybe tomorrow I can tell you about my garden (my new summer covid hobby) or my messy not-so-relationship with a coworker.

Well thanks for being a source of getting this out. I feel like I have more on my mind and I wand to manifest or write out my goals for the rest of the year. Talk soon. -A